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▣ January 21, 2008

posted by Nancianne Sterling on January 21st, 2008 at 8:47 AM (MST)

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I still can't help but see online dating as a last resort.

Nancianne, Why do men ask us for our phone numbers and then never call?

Let me tell you a little story. Slick Rick meets Sweet Susie at the local watering hole. Rick and Susie end up chatting over a couple of festive beverages for 45 minutes. Rick asks Susie for her number. Susie obliges. Rick then leaves the scene never to be heard from again.

Luckily for Slick, it turns out that he has entered into the witness protection program to save himself from the hoards of women around town that are in pursuit of his elucidation. After all, hunting season is in session.

But, just in case the witness protection program did accept your man's application, here are several other "reasons" as to his vanishing.

He felt obligated. Guys don't want to hurt your feelings or cause an awkward situation. In fact, most of them want to avoid this more than they do Oprah. After conversing with a woman for an extended period of time, some guys think it would be rude to just up and leave, so, to avoid being uncouth, they ask for your number prior to departure.

Fear of rejection. So, he's a wimp. Why are so many guys such weenies? Clearly rejection is an ego blow, but it goes beyond just that. What men desire most is to be admired and respected by women. Being blown off by a woman makes a guy feel that he is less than a man. For a lot of men, being a weenie at least leaves them with the notion that things stopped on their own terms.

Feels stupid the next day. Perhaps Slick Rick had two beverages with Susie, but before Susie showed up he finished off a six-pack and then had another three beverages after their convo. Rick recalls the night as a blur. He's certain that Susie must have been amused by his behavior, and feels a bit of a douche. Or, even if Rick does not come to the realization, Rick's more sober friends inform him of his behavior and tell him not to call. And, like the douche that he is, Rick listens.

He's got game. It's not just for the NBA. Like that three pointer game at Six Flags that costs $10 to win the cheap, stuffed animal, guys don't do it for the prize (which would be you, of course!), they do it to boost their seemingly low self-esteems. After Rick left the scene he displayed Susie's digits to Bob and Joe, proving yet again that hes heard his slick nickname.

So, that may bring us to another question. Ladies, should we ask men for their numbers so that we can ensure follow-up?

The short answer to that question is no.

If a woman asks a man for his number, men presume that she will not call. Really. In fact, a man who really wants to hear your voice again will ask that the number exchange be mutual. Or, if the girl is worried about giving out her number, he'll suggest getting an email address.

I know there is that he's just not that into you vibe with my answer, but it holds true. Granted, there might be that rare instance where a Type A gal and a type B fellow meet up and she ends up calling and it works out, but don't count on it. If you really want to increase the likelihood of hearing from your Rick again, give him your email address. Men feel less threatened by rejection via writing (I'm sure I'll address the issue of "Getting Dumped on Gmail" soon). There is no one-on-one awkwardness with it and he can craft his response to you.

Finally, there are those intangibles, those things that we'll never really know. Maybe Rick was casually dating Adrianna Lima and he's gotten the green light from her. Or he lost your number. (Most guys program those into the cell phone these days, so not likely). Or he got the call to move to Albuquerque. Regardless of the scenario, Slick Rick had to give it all up for the witness protection program because he's a weenie. Susie is better off this way. She doesn't want to date a weenie. And neither do you.

last edited on February 25th, 2008 at 7:59 AM (MST)


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